24 tahun 5 hari: some kind of retrospection

written @ 9:54 AM 4/12/2007

If someone asked me my age, there are times when I would hesitate to answer. Not that I'm hiding it, it's just that I already felt like 24 years old last year. Am I suppose to feel like 25 years old this year? Or can I regress being 23 or 17? Or will I always feel like 24 years old for the rest of my life? (Yeah, I can imagine myself forcing my grandchildren to take me to HappyPuppy for karaoke marathon –singing Queen’s songs, of course..)

When 23 approaching, I told my friends and family that I wouldn’t have birthday that year. That made me a 22 years old for two consecutive years (that explains the reduced age in my Friendster profile ^_^). Why I wouldn’t want to get older yesteryear is beyond description. What’s the point of eliminating your own age, you might ask. Wouldn’t that just show the people how immature you are? Did you feel younger and happier by doing so?

Yes, I admit that I was being immature. I’ve been trying to avoid many responsibilities that come up with that increasing figure called age. I always know that getting old is inevitable, and I’m not trying to evade it (by getting a botox injection every six months or devoting my life doing research to find the ‘eternal youth potion’, for instance). But being mature is an alternative, isn’t it? That’s why it’s kind of hard for me to adjust my emotion/attitude with my age.

First of all, there’s Nyu-nyu—the immature alter ego of mine. She is half my age (she was 5 when I created her in grade 5). I have formed a habit of blaming her in all of my disapproved actions: delaying my prayer time, escaping from the chores (especially those I hate the most: washing the dishes –mainly because the caterpillar has now become the permanent resident of the salam tree near the sink, and cleaning my room –I really do not have a flair in housekeeping), being late, and also suspending my final paper.

Because of Nyu-nyu, sometimes things can turn really bad –like this big quarrel I had with my sister last September. I felt that my sister did not respect me as her older sister. After some shouting (my sister’s) and hysterical crying (me, of course), mama managed to calm us down (although not yet in peace). The next day, when I confided to my brother, he told me that my sister were not entirely to blame. “How can we respect someone who is acting like a spoiled baby the whole time?”

I was speechless. He was right, I was not behaving like an older sister yet I was asking to be respected. The next day, we had this family convention in which we generated an agreement that I should not behave like Nyu-nyu anymore and my family should call me Tanjung –not Nyu-nyu or other silly names. Me and my sister also made peace that day (since we are not allowed to have a brawl more than 3 days anyway).

The funny thing is that I started to feel like 24 years old. That was odd because that year I made myself 22 years old although my real age is 23. Confused? Me too.

The agreement lasted for about 3 months. I couldn’t resist being Nyu-nyu and I started doing silly things again, such as baby-talking. But I am able to control it now. Well, not entirely, but definitely better than before.

I love Nyu-nyu and I am happy being her. She is always be a part of me I guess –the talkative, happy-go-lucky, and reckless me. But being Tanjung –the real me, is the real challenge. If you are not being yourself, then who will?

Therefore, one of my birthday resolutions is to increase the proportion of my Tanjung-self. That means being more responsible & mature, without losing the cheery character of Nyu-nyu. For me, it’s somewhat a hard task. I hope I can fulfill it.